Understanding Infidelity: The Mind, The Emotion & The Temptation. What does Gita say?

Are there different forms of cheating in a relationship? Is one less harmful than another? Should you stay with someone who has betrayed your trust — or walk away? Why do so many people find themselves entangled in emotional pain despite having abundance of love?

Yes — cheating comes in different forms. The three primary types are:

Financial infidelity

Emotional infidelity

Physical infidelity

In today’s digital world, betrayal has become easier and more subtle than ever. With smartphones, social media, dating apps and instant messaging, emotional boundaries can blur in a single tap — a DM on Instagram, a WhatsApp message, or even a lingering smile at work can open a door. I once had a client who felt drawn to a man simply because he reminded her of her late father — a powerful example of how emotional vulnerability can lead to the most dangerous and addictive form of cheating: emotional infidelity.

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Emotional Infidelity

 Emotional cheating occurs when a deep emotional connection forms with someone outside a committed relationship — even without physical intimacy. It often includes secret or excessive communication, sharing personal vulnerabilities, feeling emotionally distant from one’s partner, and fantasizing or daydreaming about the other person. In many ways, emotional infidelity can be even more addictive than physical cheating, because it involves attachment, validation, and emotional dependency rather than just physical desire.

Emotional affairs can develop gradually: daily check-ins, sharing life updates, seeking comfort or excitement from someone other than a spouse, and feeling a sense of “need” to hear their voice or receive their messages. Women, especially during periods of vulnerability such as after the loss of a father or another emotional anchor, may find themselves drawn to someone who fills that emotional void — often convincing themselves that “it’s harmless since it’s not physical.”

Sometimes, a spouse may even be aware of this closeness but tolerate it because they believe it lightens their partner’s emotional burden or because they assume it’s safe as long as there’s no physical contact. But this is where many couples misjudge the danger.

I once worked with a client whose husband grew unusually close to her divorced sister. She dismissed their bond for years, believing he was simply offering emotional support during a difficult time. In reality, the two had developed a deep emotional connection that eventually crossed into financial entanglement as well. What she assumed was kindness evolved into a serious breach of trust — one that ultimately pulled the entire family into court, resulting in a painful legal battle and significant financial consequences for everyone involved.

Remember that Emotional intimacy is the foundation of romantic partnership — when that bond shifts to someone else, the original relationship weakens. Over time, emotional affairs often evolve into physical ones, creating deeper hurt and long-term trust issues.

So, for couples who have been married 10, 20 years or more — be mindful, stay connected, and step in the moment boundaries begin to blur. Long-term relationships are not immune to emotional drift or misplaced attachments, and prevention is always easier than repair. If concerns arise, seek counseling without hesitation; those sessions often bring clarity, reveal blind spots, and help both partners see — and heal — the parts of themselves they may have been avoiding.

This does not mean spouses cannot have healthy friendships with the opposite sex. The key is boundaries — recognizing when a line is being crossed and when emotional needs are being met outside the marriage in a way that replaces the partner. If a friend shows up at midnight with a cake because they “know what makes you feel special,” while your spouse is unaware it’s even your birthday, the issue is not the surprise — it's the emotional gap in the marriage and where your emotional security lies and why you feel dependent on outside for satisfaction.

Emotional cheating is a wake-up call. Healing requires honesty, boundaries, and often professional support to rebuild trust and re-establish emotional closeness. The goal is not to prevent friendships, but to protect the sacred emotional space within a committed relationship — where both partners feel valued, connected, and emotionally safe.

Physical Infidelity

 Physical cheating is the most widely recognized and legally acknowledged form of infidelity. When two people engage in sexual intimacy outside their committed relationship, it is generally considered an affair in both social and legal contexts. While physical cheating often includes emotional or even financial entanglements, it is the physical act itself that typically triggers the strongest response — and is the most common reason for separation and divorce.

However, many couples overlook or minimize emotional and financial infidelity, dismissing them as “just friendships” or harmless interactions. In reality, both emotional infidelity and financial infidelity can be equally destructive, eroding trust and emotional safety long before any physical line is crossed.

A recent debate on a talk show highlighted generational differences in how infidelity is perceived. Many individuals in their 50s argued that emotional cheating is more painful than physical cheating, because emotional connection represents deeper loyalty and intimacy. In contrast, Gen-Z participants expressed that any form of cheating — emotional, physical, or financial — is equally hurtful, as betrayal is not defined solely by physical acts.

There is no universal standard for which type of cheating is “worse.” Research suggests men are more likely to react strongly to physical infidelity, while women are often more deeply affected by emotional betrayal. Yet regardless of gender or age, all three forms of infidelity can cause profound emotional damage, and the impact depends on the individuals and the depth of the betrayal.

In our modern world, emotional affairs have even led to serious professional and legal consequences. Some workplace relationships that one partner viewed as “only physical” have escalated when the other person usually the woman developed emotional attachment and subsequently felt misled or betrayed. This has resulted in lawsuits, workplace investigations, and career-ending outcomes — particularly in corporate environments where power dynamics and emotional involvement become intertwined. I have personally witnessed many highly educated, high-profile corporate professionals who lost their well-paid positions due to workplace relationship-related lawsuits — and now face long-term career challenges, struggling to secure new opportunities because of ongoing legal and professional repercussions.

 Ultimately, cheating is not just about sex — it is about trust, loyalty, boundaries, and emotional responsibility. Whether physical, emotional, or financial, infidelity , it profoundly disrupts the foundation of a committed relationship whether at home or at a social gathering, and healing requires honesty, accountability, and professional guidance and often takes years to process and understand.

Financial Infidelity

Financial cheating is when one partner in a committed relationship keeps financial secrets, such as hiding money, debt, or spending, from the other. Often, one person in the relationship ends up shouldering the financial burden for the other partner outside of marriage paying off debts or covering loans — creating an imbalance where one person clearly benefits more than the other. This can range from secret credit card accounts and hidden purchases to concealing debt or income, and it can significantly damage a committed relationship by eroding trust.

Examples of financial cheating

Opening and using a secret bank account or credit card

Hiding income, debt, or large purchases from your partner

Taking money from a joint account without telling your partner

Transferring credit card balances or taking out loans to hide financial problems

Blaming budget shortfalls on rising costs when they are really due to secret spending.

Top 4 Common reasons for all 3 forms of Infidelity-

• Emotional and sexual disconnection: A lack of emotional intimacy, feeling emotionally distant, or a decline in sexual connection can lead people to seek fulfillment elsewhere.

• Unmet needs: When individuals feel their needs in the relationship are not being met, they may look for others to satisfy them. This can include a need for validation, affection, or attention.

• Low self-esteem: A person with low self-esteem may feel that no amount of love or reassurance from their partner is ever enough. This insecurity can drive them to seek validation outside the relationship — sometimes all it takes is one message from someone saying “you’re beautiful” or “you’re brilliant” to ignite an emotional connection. In today’s world, I believe this is one of the most common reasons why affairs begin.

• Anger or revenge: Cheating can be a way to express anger or seek revenge against a partner who hurt him or her in the past.

Other less common causes include commitment issues, desire for variety, unresolved past experiences, sexual addiction and so on.

We arrive at the most difficult & emotionally charged question of all:

Is it worth staying with a partner who has cheated? Why do people remain in situations where not only two hearts are broken, but entire families — children, parents, siblings — are pulled into the storm and suffer deeply?

I once had a nanny whose son divorced his wife due to an affair that began at work. She simply could not comprehend how a child she raised with values could choose selfishness over responsibility — how he could overlook his wife and three young children, and the pain they would endure. The shock drove her into severe depression, and she eventually had to stop working for me since she got very sick. Infidelity is never just between two people; it ripples through families, breaks trust across generations, and often leaves emotional scars that take years, sometimes lifetimes, to heal.

How do we make peace with such betrayal? How do we find clarity when the heart is shattered and duty, love, and pain collide?

The wisdom lies in understanding human nature and detachment — beautifully explained in The Bhagavad Gita, Chapter 15, where we learn to see beyond illusion, ego, and emotional bondage to find truth and peace.

It highlights two key causes of bondage:

The soul’s desire to enjoy the material world (Kama).

The influence of the modes of material nature (Gunas). 

This verse also describes a peculiar tree:

Its roots are upwards, and its branches extend downward. It is called ashwatha, often translated as a banyan tree, and is said to be imperishable. The leaves of this tree are the Vedic hymns (chandamsi).

"Aswatha chandamsi" refers to the sacred fig tree (Ficus religiosa), also known as the peepal or bodhi tree, as well as a symbolic representation of the material world in the Bhagavad Gita.

The tree itself: Ficus religiosa is a sacred fig tree native to the Indian subcontinent and Indochina. The world is depicted as an upside-down tree with its roots in the heavens and branches reaching down. The soul wanders through its branches, moving from one life to another. The leaves are the Vedic hymns, and the three modes of material nature (sattva, rajas, and tamas) irrigate it. Understanding this "tree" is a key to understanding the nature of material existence and achieving liberation.

One who truly understands this tree is said to know the Vedas. This requires us to use our intelligence to infer its meaning, as it is not self-evident on the surface. The deeper significance of the tree, its roots, branches, and leaves, must be uncovered through thoughtful analysis and reflection.

By understanding this metaphor, we can gain insights into how to cut through the entanglements of material existence and move toward liberation. To begin, let’s look at the nature of the world itself. One recurring observation we can make is that something always seems to be wrong somewhere.

What is it that is wrong? There are a few broad categories we can consider:

Dissatisfaction:

One of the most apparent issues in the world is a universal sense of dissatisfaction. People are often unhappy with what they have, with who they are, or with how the world around them operates. Even when people go on vacation or visit a resort in hopes of escaping daily life, they may still feel a nagging sense that something is wrong. This dissatisfaction is pervasive, both on a personal and global scale.

Moral Degradation:

Another problem that adds to the dysfunction of the world is moral degradation. Left unchecked, humanity’s moral compass tends to decline. This isn’t about mere nostalgia for the past or moralizing about how things used to be better. It’s a recognition that human actions are directly causing harm. Whether overtly evil or covertly destructive, people’s choices and behaviors are often hurting others and the world at large.

Physical Destruction and Decay:

Beyond mental and moral concerns, there is the inevitable physical deterioration of the world. Everything in the material world decays, breaks down, and is eventually destroyed. Whether through natural forces or human actions, the world faces continual decline and destruction.

But the Bhagavad Gita offers a different perspective. It doesn’t promise that the world will become a perfect place for enjoyment. Rather, the Gita teaches that the purpose of life is not to indulge in worldly pleasures but to transcend the material world. The world can be fixed enough for us to carry out this transcendent purpose, but we need to approach it with the right mindset. By combining human effort with divine guidance, we can cooperate to fix the world in a way that supports our spiritual progress.

For example, in an extramarital affair, we might find someone physically attractive, but the illusion is thinking that this attraction exists for our enjoyment. A spiritual perspective sees the attraction as a reflection of Krishna’s divine power, and the goal is to direct our attraction toward Krishna, recognizing the divine spark in everything. In other words transform lust into devotion.

Ultimately, the material world itself is illusory because it encourages wrong perceptions, wrong conceptions, and false self-identifications. The upside-down tree metaphor illustrates this concept, symbolizing how the world appears to be one thing, but in truth, it is a reflection of deeper spiritual realities. The desire to enjoy the material world creates the illusion, and if these desires were absent, this reflection would not exist.

The world inherently has issues: It is constantly in a state of decline, which reflects the illusionary nature of material existence.

Maya (Illusion):

Maya refers to the illusion in both perception and conception.

Illusion in perception involves seeing things wrong, like mistaking a stick in water for being bent.  In the case of infidelity, mistaking that the other person is right for him or her.

Illusion in conception means misunderstanding the purpose of things, like the child mistaking fire for a toy. In the case of infidelity, illusion is to justify their wrong behavior and actions as if it was the right thing to do at that time.

The ultimate illusion is of course seeing the world as separate from Krishna, the true reality.

The idea of modernity suggests technology can fix the world’s problems, but the World Wars in 20th century and modern-day health problems of current 21rst century showed that technological advancement alone doesn’t solve deeper issues.

Divine Intervention: Religious perspectives like Christianity suggest that God’s grace can fix the world, but the Bhagavad Gita suggests that we must transcend the world through spiritual wisdom, not just fix it for enjoyment.

 Then what is the Purpose of the material World that is filled with distractions and pleasure?

The world is not meant for enjoying; it is a place for transcending material illusions.

The world should be understood as a hospital, not a luxury hotel – as it is a place to cure our spiritual ailments, not sit there for constant enjoyment. Also recall that persistently staying in a luxury hotel can also get very distant from reality and you want to get back to your home where you and your family belongs.

True liberation comes from moving beyond material attachments and recognizing the spiritual reality that underlies all of creation. The world is not meant for enjoyment, but for spiritual growth, and by overcoming the illusions of maya, one can attain enlightenment and eternal peace. If you have been betrayed by your partner then rereading this blog once again from the lens of Gita will help you understand better. If you still remain confused please book a counseling sessions with me to discuss more.